A sign outside Democracy Restaurant promises, “Exercise Your Freedom of Choice with Our Varied Menu.”
Here’s what that menu offers:
Double Cheeseburger Deluxe: $100
Double Bacon Cheeseburger Deluxe: $100
Liberal: I don’t even have to look. I already know what I’m getting.
Liberal (to waiter): The usual, please. Just make sure none of that evil bacon touches my less evil meat and cheese.
The liberal and the waiter share a chuckle.
Progressive (to waiter): You got any vegan options?
Waiter: Well, we’re working towards that, you know, one baby step at a time. Be patient but of course, keep hoping.
Liberal: Change takes time. Lots and lots and lots of time.
They all nod solemnly.
Progressive: I was really hoping for a salad.
Liberal: Let me guess, a green salad?
The liberal and the waiter share a loud laugh.
Progressive (to waiter): Can I order a salad?
Waiter: Oh, you’re free to order anything you want here. This is Democracy.
Progressive: Okay, cool. I’d like a salad. (to liberal) Democracy is swell.
The waiter soon returns with a single plate upon which sits a greasy, oozing, bloody-rare double cheeseburger on a white flour roll alongside a deep-fried batch of GMO potatoes. The liberal’s eyes light up before taking a big, drippy bite.
Liberal: Mmmm, not a hint of bacon. Tastes like progress to me.
Progressive: Where’s my salad?
Waiter: We don’t serve salads here.
Progressive: But you said I was free to order anything.
Waiter: Sure, you can order whatever you please, but the only people who get to eat in Democracy are those who pick something that’s on our menu. (pause) And by the way, your hypothetical Green salad costs $150.
Progressive (takes out credit card): Oh well…I guess I’ll try again in four years.